Poseidon Would Be the God of Really Hot Lifeguards
by Optronix Prime
Summary: Percy and his fellow counselors spend an evening 'modernizing' their godly parents for their own amusement, but when Dionysus visits Olympus and tells the other gods about what they're kids said, they take in in turn to godify their children, but will one prank send the Demigods over the edge? "Apollo was sure of that much, and he knew exactly how he would make them suffer."
1. Poseidon, the God of Hot Lifeguards

**Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson**

It was a small group around the campfire by ten o'clock at night. It was mainly counselors talking and laughing, sharing tales of great myth. Everyone that was there was munching on stolen Doritos and marshmallows. Annabeth and Percy were next to each other, Grover bleating his goatly laugh. Silena and Beckendorf were glued together, his arms around her waist as she sat in his lap. The Stolls were launching marshmallows into their mouths, Travis' bopping him in the nose. Clarisse snorted at Travis' fail and pelted him with a few Goldfish she happened to have with her. Katie Gardner rolled her eyes, turning to Willow, whispering something in her ear. Willow giggled, looking over at the Stolls.

"Did we ever tell you the tale of King Francis of Wiggleton? The-"

"King who was eaten by demonic breakfast pastries," they all finished for him. Connor looked sheepish.

"Sheesh, If you didn't like the story, all you had to do was say so!"

"Even if we had, you'd still tell it _again_," Annabeth shot at him. Connor's face suddenly looked very pale in the glow of the golden-orange fire.

"Connor, you okay?" Travis asked, looking concerned.

"Annabeth...?"

"What?"

"Look behind you! HUGE SPIDER!" Annabeth's scream could be heard all the way to the Big House and the cabins. She was on her feet so fast you would have thought Zeus had tried to smite her with a lightning bolt.

"PERSEUS JACKSON KILL THE SPIDER!"

Connor's face broke into an evil grin as the stuffed spider swooped down closer to Annabeth. Travis, catching on, only added to the prank.

"It's a Japanese Flying Spider! They can FLY THROUGH THE AIR!" Annabeth's dagger was in her hand. She pushed Grover out of her way and began to hack viciously at the giant, stuffed spider. Fluff oozed from its wounds, littering the ground with black yarn and white poof. She turned to face the Stolls, her grey eyes so stormy it was hard to imagine anything less than pure hatred for the two brothers was raging within her at that very moment.

"Annabeth, it was just a joke. Don't kill us!" they whimpered together. She growled, but sat back down, sheathing her knife, muttering murderously. They grinned sheepishly at her.

"Remind me to never scream 'spider' around her," Katie muttered to Willow. She grinned and nodded.

"Will do."

"Now that the excitement's over, now what?" Silena asked, nuzzling Beckendorf's cheek as she went.

"I dunno...how about we play twenty questions?" Connor suggested.

"That's lame," Clarisse announced, picking dried marshmallow out from under fingernails.

"Then why don't you come up with something?" Percy retorted, throwing a paper cup into the fire. Grover glared at him. Percy threw his arms up into the air. "There's only so much I can do for the environment, Grover!" Everyone snorted and laughed. Grover's face turned red.

"We could play spin the bottle," Silena voiced, running fingers through her smooth brown hair. Everyone looked at everyone else, blinked twice, then burst out laughing.

"Yeah right, like any of us will really kiss half the people here!" Katie exclaimed. Connor whispered just loud enough for the group to hear,

"But I know who would kiss Katie." Travis punched him hard in the arm.

"Anyone got any more ideas? Anything thoughts?!" Travis said a little too quickly.

"Ya know, if you modernized the gods, I think Hermes would be the god of drug dealers," Willow said without thinking as she stared into the fire. Everyone was silent. "What?" Willow asked, looking up at them. Katie looked thoughtful.

"I agree with that."

"Hey!" cried Connor and Travis. "Don't you go dissing our dad!" Annabeth had cracked a smile.

"He is a thief...I actually _can_ see him dealing cocaine to high schoolers."

"Well-well if Athena was 'modernized' she'd be the Goddess of Nerds!" Annabeth rolled her eyes.

"That's hardly an insult."

"Guys..." Silena said, looking over towards where the beach would be if other things weren't in the way. "Poseidon would be the god of really, _really_ hot lifeguards." Percy cracked up. They all did. It wasn't until Connor started choking on a Dorito that they all started gasping for their breath. Travis slapped his hand on Connor's back, attempting to help him. Connor's eyes watered.

"I hope you know that _doesn't help_," he wheezed. Travis shrugged, grinning cheekily.

"If Poseidon's the God of Mega-Hot Lifeguards, then Hades is _so _the God of Goths," Percy chimed in. Beckendorf laughed again.

"Totally!"

"Oh my gods!" Annabeth cried out in realization.

"What?" asked several people.

"Hera would be the Goddess of Divorce!" Percy laughed so hard he nearly fell into the fire.

"Yes! That's SO true! And Demeter would be the Goddess of Pesticides!" Katie glowered at him, arms crossing over her chest.  
"No way! She is not the Goddess of Chemicals that _murder bugs_!"

"But that's why it's _funny_, Gardner," Travis retorted, spearing a marshmallow on a stick and thrusting it into the fire. The group of demigods got their own sticks and started toasting their marshmallows.

"Since Apollo had that thing for Hyacinthus, wouldn't that make him the god of homosexuals?" Willow choked, looking over at Connor with wide eyes. The others looking over at him too.

"I'd say so," Clarisse said, stealing the chip bag from Percy. Another round of silence was met. Willow pulled her golden brown marshmallow from the fire, removing it from the stick.

"That would make Aphrodite the Goddess of S.T.I.s!" Silena's face looked horrified. Beckendorf started laughing so much that Silena was pushed off his lap. Percy and Grover joined in. Annabeth looked like she was trying not smile. Clarisse was roaring, chips falling all over the ground.

"That one is my favorite!' Clarisse announced, grabbing a graham cracker for her marshmallow. She threw some chocolate on the cracker and smashed her marshmallow between them.

"My mother is _not_ the goddess of sexually transmitted diseases!" Silena shrieked from the ground.

"_Infections_," Connor corrected her. "They officially changed it a couple years ago." Silena glowered at him, got up, and stormed off. Her long dark hair trailing behind her much like a Grim Reaper's cloak.

"She's pissed," Clarisse clarified for all those who missed the exchange. Travis helped himself to some of Clarisse's Goldfish.

"Dudes, what would Dionysus be?" Travis asked through munches of Goldfish. Everyone went quiet, deep in thought.

"Diet Coke's too obvious," Percy muttered under this breath.

"Of course it is, Seaweed Brain," Annabeth retorted, rolling her eyes.

"I got it," Beckendorf said loudly, grinning.

"Whatcha thinkin'?" Willow asked as she toasted another marshmallow since _someone_ stole her first one.

"Grape juice. He's the God of Grape Juice." Everyone cracked up again. Grover looked mortified, looking around, obviously praying Mr. D wasn't around.

"He is the God of Wine," Grover bleated.

"Wine is just glorified grape juice!" Connor said as he howled with laughter. Grover's face went red.

"Who's left?" Clarisse asked. Everyone shifted their gaze to Annabeth. She didn't disappoint.

"Zeus, Ares, Artemis, Hephaestus, and Hestia, if you're only doing the Olympians."

"Zeus! I can't believe we missed Zeus!" Travis shouted, facepalming. Percy grinned.

"Do any of you remember Pooh Bear?"

"What does he have to do with any of this?" Willow questioned, looking over at her half-brother.

"Remember the little black rain cloud?" he asked. Katie Gardner actually snorted with laughter.

"Zeus can be the god of little black rain clouds!" Everyone was laughing and giggling. Chips and marshmallows hit the ground as Travis rolled off his seat because he was laughing so hard. Grover cracked a smile, still looking too nervous to add anything to the conversation.

"Wait, hold everything just a second," Connor said, a look of realization on his face.

"What is it, Stoll?" Annabeth demanded.

"Iris is the Goddess of the Rainbow, right?"

"Yes."

"That makes her the Goddess of Skittles!"

The group of demigods laughed for so long that it took a long time for them to recover. Some were choking and wheezing, practically gasping for breath. Katie and Willow had tears in their eyes. Beckendorf was bent double, his whole body shaking with mirth.

"And since Nemesis is the goddess of balance or something, wouldn't that make her the Goddess of Scales?" Percy coughed out, clutching his sides. People nodded, unable to speak because they were still laughing. Travis laughed even harder. Willow managed to rasp,

"We are all _so_ going to the Fields of Punishment!"

It took ten minutes for everyone to calm down and catch their breath. Everyone was grinning wildly.

"Ya know, Artemis would so be the Goddess of Lesbianism," Beckendorf said suddenly. Grover fainted at his words. Connor and Travis chuckled, pulling out Sharpies.

"And Hephaestus would be the God of High School Workshop," Katie countered. Beckendorf looked surprised she had retorted so fast. Clarisse nodded in approval.

"Out of the Olympians, all that's left is Hestia and Ares," Annabeth informed them, finishing off the Doritos as she did so.

"Ares, God of Civil Disobedience," Percy supplied. Clarisse glowered at him.

"I'm gonna squash you like a bug."

"Hestia...Hestia..." Willow mumbled. Then her eyes lit up. "Hestia, the Goddess of Home Invasion!"

The laughter was sparked again. Annabeth was slumped against Percy's shoulder because she was laughing so hard. Katie became off balanced and fell right off her seat. She kept right on laughing as Willow yanked her back up, grinning all the while. When Annabeth managed to pull herself together, she had an idea of her own.

"Hecate, the Goddess of 4-Way Intersections!" Most of the guys looked confused. Willow laughed harder, tears streaming down her cheeks. Katie beamed widely.

"Why is that funny?" Connor asked, looking at her confusedly.

"Hecate is the Goddess of Crossroads, choices," Annabeth informed them, grinning. The laughter flared up again, the fire burning an even brighter gold. Several Goldfish fell into the fire for Connor shook the bag a little too hard as he snorted at the levity of the situation.

"Guys, I got it," Beckendorf interjected. The group turned to look at him. "Persephone, the Goddess of Child Abuse."

The campers surrounding the campfire couldn't handle anymore. They were enjoying themselves too much to care about anything else. The laughter and happiness encircled the group, bringing them higher. It had been too long since they'd been so relaxed and carefree. It was a gift, a blessing in disguise; all of them cherished it without thinking.

"Guys, guys, we have to get to bed before the Harpies come after us. It's nearly midnight," Annabeth informed everyone. Everyone groaned at the news. None of them wanted to leave. With several sighs, they started clearing up. Connor and Travis stowed the food away in their sweatshirts, Percy put out the fire, and Katie made the grass grow a little thicker to high their footprints. The ghosts of laughter was still on everyone's faces as they ran for cover. It had been the perfect end to a perfect day and that's all anyone could ever ask for.

**A/N: Willow is my own creation. All the other amazing characters belong to Uncle Rick.**


	2. Nico di Angelo, the God of Happy Meals

**A/N: I want to thank ****jajajajaajajaj for the idea for this chapter. What was intended to be a one-shot has turned into a war XD**

**Reviews:**

**MagicMilk: Oh yes. By some miracle, we have a squeal. I think you'll find it as satisfying as the first chapter.**

**jajajajaajajaj: Yes, yes, yes! Thanks again for the idea!**

**Zammie-Percabeth-Slythindork: Personally, Aphrodite's was my favorite too. I simply love writing and reading stories that rip on the Goddess of Love.**

**Connie rose: Thank you! Glad you liked it!**

**jayfeather10: That toy car might have saved your life! It could be an omen in disguise! Or maybe you should just give it to Octavian. It might help him smile and murder less panda pillow pets XD**

**percabeth-pothena: Thank you very much!**

**Shadowfey913: If you were laughing just but reading it, think about how much I laughed while writing it! I now understand why Uncle Rick enjoys tormenting us! **

Mount Olympus was unusually peaceful for the time of day. Late afternoon was usually when Hera and Zeus could be heard screaming at each other while Athena cursed Hermes for stealing her latest project. Olympus was never quiet by normal standards. Many were lucky if they could hear themselves think by the end of each day. Many other minor gods and creatures quivered and wondered fearfully when many of the Olympians walked through the streets towards the Throne Room. Had something happened? Was Kronos attacking? Or was the world ending in a different way? They didn't know and no one dared to ask.

Zeus and Hera were already on their thrones. Hera looked like she had some horrible smell under her nose and Zeus looked irritated. Zeus glowered at them, silently demanding that they take their seats. Athena stood in the middle of the circle of thrones, shoulders back.

"Why have you called us here?" she asked sternly. Poseidon rolled his eyes.

"If you just shut up and sit down you'd already know." Athena glared at him.

"How about I give you a lesson in defense, kelp-for-brains?"

"Enough!" Zeus shouted. Athena and Poseidon shot daggers at each other before Athena took her seat. Hermes rushed in looking like he's just ran to Marathon and back. His cellphone phone was tucked under his ear, yabbering away, as he jammed some colorful fabric into his pockets. All eyes were on him as Hermes stumbled into his throne. He cursed into the phone before slamming it shut. He looked up at his fellow Olympians.

"What?" Athena and Demeter rolled their eyes, Artemis huffed, annoyed, and Apollo snickered under this breath.

"Are you finished?" Zeus boomed.

"Not even remotely!" Hermes raved. "Do you know how backed up I am? I still have things that I've had in storage since Easter. Easter! If you stopped calling us together every other Sunday for brunch I might actually be making my delivery quota!" Before anyone could retort, the cell rang again. "For the love of me!" he shrieked, denying the call and turning it off. "I am busy!" Apollo and Ares shared sidelong glances. They grinned, snorting with laughter.

"I said enough!" Zeus roared. Everyone fell silent, even Hermes. "We have _extremely _important things to discuss!"

"Like what our children have been saying about us?" Dionysus interjected lazily, drinking from his Diet Coke can. Eleven pairs of eyes turned to look at him.

"Excuse me?" Demeter snapped. "What have they been saying about us?"

"Yes," quipped Athena. "I was just going to ask the same thing."

"Oh, nothing much," Dionysus said after another drink. "Just what they think we would be the gods and goddesses of in the modern world, that's all." Apollo puffed his chest out.

"I would be the Sexiest God," he announced with a winning smile.

"Actually, they said you would be the God of Homosexuals." Artemis choked on the nectar she had been drinking. She spit out the mouthful, spraying the floor. Her laugh filled the room along with Athena's and Aphrodite's. Apollo's face turned red as he slumped down into his throne.

"And where did they get that idea from?" Apollo asked quietly.

"Something about Hyacinthus," Dionysus told the group. The goddesses hollowed with mirth as Apollo's face turned as bright as a crayola crayon. Hermes and Hephaestus had joined in on the laughter at Apollo's expense. Even Poseidon and Zeus shared a grin.

"Well what did they say about everyone else?" Apollo demanded, trying to direct the attention of the group onto someone else.

"They said your sister was the Goddess of Lesbianism." Artemis looked horrified. It was Apollo's turn to laugh in his sibling's face. Artemis stuttered, but couldn't form words. Aphrodite laughed even harder.

"Why are you laughing?" Dionysus asked her. "They decided you would be the Goddess of S.T.I.'s." Aphrodite wasn't laughing anymore, but Athena and Artemis were.

"You sleep with every mortal you set eyes on," Athena said through her giggles. "If anyone one of us could get an S.T.I. it would _surely_ be you." Aphrodite threw a golden hairbrush at Athena, which she dodged.

"You can shut up!" Aphrodite snapped, glowering around Artemis to direct her hate at Athena. Athena smirked.

"I speak the truth." As the two women bickered, Poseidon looked down the line at Dionysus.

"And what did they decide I would be the god of?"

"Something about really hot lifeguards," Dionysus said as he pulled out another can of Diet Coke.

"WHAT?!" Apollo shouted, throwing his hands up. "How come _he_ gets to be the god of hotness and _I_ get stuck with homosexuality?!"

"I don't know. Ask your children," Dionysus retorted. Apollo crossed his arms and slunk down in his throne to sulk. Poseidon simply beamed.

"What about our dear Hermes?" Martha asked from the antenna of Hermes' cell phone.

"Yes," George agreed. "And will someone bring me a rat?"

"Enough with the rats, George!" Martha hissed.

"I believe one of the girls decided that you looked like you would deal cocaine to high schoolers, so she said you would be the God of Drug Dealers." Hermes' eyes widen as the most of the Olympian Counsel burst into laughter. Even Martha and George had a hard time holding back their giggles.

"I would not and do not sell any sort of drug to mortal adolescents!" Hermes shouted over everyone. This just made them laugh harder.

After nearly a half an hour of laughing at each others expense, everyone had been informed of their new title. Hera had been absolutely disgusted when told she would be the Goddess of Divorce and even more so when Zeus agreed. The gods agreed that some of the ideas were more creative than others. Everyone agreed that Poseidon's was the best.

"So since our children redefined us, wouldn't that give us the right to redefine them?" Athena asked, looking around at her fellow Olympians. Apollo's grin was borderline evil.

"Yes it does!" he shouted. Many of the others nodded, smiling as well. The ring of gods went silent as they were all deep in thought. It was Hermes that broke the silence.

"Silena Beauregard, Aphrodite's kid, she'd be the Goddess of Mangos."

"Excuse me?" Aphrodite interjected loudly. Hermes grinned.

"For the hottest, remember?" The gods erupted with laughter. They remembered _that_ particular story from Dionysus. The Stoll brothers had spray painted a mango gold and wrote _for the hottest_ on it and left it in Cabin Ten. The daughters of Aphrodite almost burnt down their cabin during their squabble for the mango. Silena had been victorious.

"She would be the Goddess of Mangos," Demeter agreed. "_My_ daughter would be the Goddess of Strawberries." Apollo snorted with suppressed laughter.

"More like the Goddess of Chocolate!" Demeter glowered at him. She flicked her wrist and a sunflower sprouted from the ground, right into his face. Apollo yelped, jumping slightly. Artemis snickered.

"That was not her!" Demeter snapped at the cowering god of the sun. "It was those damn Hermes kids!" Apollo nodded, mostly to get her to glare at someone else.

Even though the gods were not aloud to directly interfere with their children's lives, they deeply enjoyed staying up-to-date on the latest gossip (not that they would admit to such a thing). Usually Aphrodite or Dionysus provided the daily gossip; Aphrodite on the mortal world and Dionysus on Camp Half-Blood. Whether their children knew it or not, the gods knew just about everything that happened at camp.

Zeus looked to be in deep thought. Athena looked over at him.

"And what's on your mind?"

"I think Percy would be the God of Cluelessness." Poseidon rose to his feet, his trident appearing in his hand.

"Excuse me?!" he demanded. Athena was grinning.

"I agree," she said. "Without the help of _my_ daughter, your son would never have made it this far. Actually, he would never have made it out of the Underworld without her help! Or from Polyphemus' cave! Or through the Labyrinth!"

"I notice how you've left out the time where she got captured and Percy had to rescue her," Poseidon retorted, swinging his trident at her.

"Put that thing away," Hera snapped. "We're not going to war with each other today." Zeus rolled his eyes behind his wife's back.

Poseidon ignored his sister, still brandishing the trident at Athena.

"For the record, your daughter would be the Goddess of Spiders," Poseidon said, the trident disappearing as he sat back down in his throne. Hermes and Apollo snickered. Leaning around Hephaestus, Hermes whispered to Apollo,

"Wouldn't Annabeth just _die_ if she was made the Goddess of Spiders?" Apollo snorted loudly, nodding. Athena's eyes narrowed at them.

"What are you two whispering about?"

"Nothing!" they said quickly, sharing a grin with each other. Athena didn't believe them for a second.

"What about Thalia?" Aphrodite asked the others. "What would she be the goddess of?"

"Pinecones," Poseidon, Apollo, and Hermes all said instantly. Thunder rumbled around them as Zeus' anger flared.

"How dare you!" he roared. "She would _not_ be the Goddess of Pinecones!" Poseidon looked across at Athena and Demeter. They nodded.

"See?" Poseidon gestured to them while looking over at Zeus. "Even they agree your daughter would be a Pinecone Face." Artemis did not look amused by Poseidon's choice of words.

"My first lieutenant is most certainly not a Pinecone Face."

"Though your son _is_ a Seaweed Brain," Athena said nonchalantly.

"Well _your_ daughter is a Wise Girl!" Poseidon replied without pause.

"That's not even a good insult!"

"That's not even a good comeback!"

"Well you have barnacle breath!"

"You're an insufferable know-it-all!"

"You stole that from Harry Potter!"

"See?! Know-it-all!"

"ENOUGH!" Zeus shouted over them. Athena and Poseidon went silent. Everyone was quiet. Until Hermes spoke, that is.

"Clarisse would be the Goddess of Toilet Water."

The next ten minutes would be spent keeping Ares from murdering Hermes. Poseidon, Apollo, and Artemis held back Ares as Aphrodite and Athena shielded Hermes from the God of War. Ares was yelling at the top of his lungs as he fought the Olympians holding him back. Somehow, Zeus managed to regain control of his siblings and children _and_ got them back into their thrones without any ichor spilt.

"Sometimes you all act like children," Zeus grumbled under this breath when everyone was settled. Zeus was just about to tell them they weren't godifying anymore of their children when Hephaestus decided to chip in his two cents.

"Since Dionysus is the God of Partying, couldn't that make his kid the God of Party Drugs, like Ecstasy?" Dionysus choked on his Diet Coke. The other gods broke out in fits of laughter. Hera looked at everyone.

"I don't think so. I thought Hermes was the God of Drug Dealers, so wouldn't that make Pollux a son of Hermes?" She said this so seriously that Apollo laughed harder and fell right out of his throne. Dionysus was showing more emotion for those ten seconds then he had in the last millenium. Zeus and Poseidon laughed out loud at the expression of mingled horror and outrage on his face. Hermes was sure that Dionysus was going to entangle everyone with grapevines or something similar. Thankfully another demigod was put to shame.

"That no good Son of Hades, Nico, he would be the God of Happy Meals!" Without Hades there to defend his son, the entire Olympian Counsel erupted in laughter, Zeus and Poseidon nodding as they laughed. Hera giggled wildly. Hermes was laughing so hard he started choking. Hephaestus slammed his hand onto Hermes' back, trying to aid in the breathing process, not that gods actually needed air.

"I hope you know that _doesn't help_," Hermes gasped. Dionysus shot Hermes a look.

"You sound like your brats." Hermes rolled his eyes as everyone else got their laughter under control. "Speaking of your twerps, they would be the Gods of Backfired Pranks." Everyone nodded and agreed.

"Nothing does seem to work for them, does it?" Athena asked.

"Hey!" Hermes cried. "They are _extremely capable_-"

"Of getting caught," Aphrodite finished for him. "Remember the Golden Mango? My daughters may have fought like a wild herd of Bratz Dolls, but your kids looked like dorks for a month." Hermes had absolutely nothing to say to Aphrodite and silently vowed to mis-deliver all of her outgoing and incoming mail for the next year.

"Well remember those damn ants?" Apollo said out of the blue. Everyone looked at him.

"Yeah, what about them?" Hera asked, looking him over.

"Well Beckendorf, Hephy's kid, would be the god of them."

"What have I said about calling me 'Hephy'?!" Hephaestus shouted. More laughter filled the room. Whether it was at Beckendorf's or Hephaestus', no one knew.

"Has anyone ever heard Apollo sing?" Athena asked. All of the other goddesses nodded.

"Why are you bringing my gorgeous singing into this?" Apollo asked, almost daringly.

"Because your son, Micheal whatever, would be the God of the Opera," athena informed him.

"Yes," Artemis agreed. "Because when he sings, glass breaks, much like when you recite poetry."

Apollo stormed out, his face hot and red with the day's embarrassment. Everyone else laughed until they couldn't laugh anymore. It can be concluded that nothing of true importance was talked about during that particular meeting.


	3. Annabeth, the Goddess of Nerds

"Perseus Jackson, they are going to murder you for doing this!"  
"I believe you mean us for you're doing this too, remember?" Percy gently reminded Annabeth as he laid out what he was going to wear later that evening.  
"Only because you're forcing me too!" she spat at him, sitting down on the bunk, huffing. Percy rolled his eyes.  
"I'm not forcing you to do anything, Wise Girl. I'm just strongly suggesting that you come with us," Percy said, turning to face her. Annabeth's expression strongly told him that she didn't believe him.  
"Come on, Annabeth," Willow said pleadingly as she shuffled through the trunk at the end of her bunk. "We need someone to be our Goddess of Wisdom. Will you please do it? If you don't, then we might have to get someone who's less qualified to do it instead of yourself."  
"Yeah, Annabeth, someone less qualified to portray your mother could be selected if you don't step up," Percy teased. Annabeth crossed her arms across her chest, shooting glares at both of them.  
"I will not be disgracing my mother like this!" she snapped.  
"We're not disgracing them, Annabeth," Percy informed her. "We're just...using them as influences for our outing for tonight."  
"Yeah, it'll be fun!" Willow chirped happily, throwing a few articles of clothing onto Percy's bunk. Percy nodded, smiling encouraging at Annabeth.  
"Please? Will you do it?" they both begged. Annabeth couldn't withstand both Percy's puppy eyes and Willow's trembling lower lip. She caved faster than either of them could have expected.  
"Alright, alright," Annabeth said, sighing in defeat. Percy whooped, grinning at his sister.  
"We are amazing, aren't we?" Willow nodded, smiling.  
"Now come on Annabeth, get your stuff and meet us at Aphrodite's Cabin in five, okay? And Perce, you're supposed to go over to Hermes' Cabin, mainly 'cause they can fit everyone." Percy chuckled, gathering up the clothes he'd found and headed out the door.  
"I can't believe you two talked me into this..." Annabeth muttered, following him out. Willow laughed to herself, getting her own stuff, and heading out to Cabin Ten. Willow knocked on the door of Barbie Doll World-as she liked to call it. Usually she steered clear of the place, but Drew was out for the school year so she was in the clear.  
"Hey Willow, ready for tonight?" Katie asked as she walked up next to her, a bag slung over her shoulder.  
"If we don't die, this should be the best night of my life!" Willow replied smiling as the door was opened by Silena.  
"Wonderful! Clarisse and Thalia are already here," she told them, ushering them in. "If you're missing something for your costumes, let me know. I'm sure we could find something lying around here."  
"Awesome!" Willow said with a grin, walking in with Katie. Thaila was half-dressed in a puffy black dress with a dress coat laying on a bed near her. Clarisse was putting on armor and had a wickedly sharp sword strapped to her side.  
"I don't think you look like 'civil disobedience' Clarisse," Willow said, looking at her questioning. Clarisse looked herself over in a full length mirror.  
"What the hell does civil whatnot look like anyway?" she spat. Willow plopped down onto an empty bunk and started to undress.  
"What Thalia usually looks like."  
"Hey! I do not look like 'civil disobedience'!" Thalia growled, puffing up the ruffles in her dress.  
"You usually look like you're either going to rob a mini-mart or steal pocket money from a ten year-old," Katie informed her matter-of-factly. Thalia's mouth dropped. Willow stifled her laughter in a pillow. Even Clarisse had to work hard on not laughing. Silena smiled, turning away from them.  
"I do not rob mini-marts!" Thalia snapped. Katie rolled her eyes, dumping her bag out on a dresser.  
"I never said you did," Katie replied. "I merely said that's what you look like on a regular basis." Clarisse snorted with laughter along with Willow.  
"Hey Thalia, can I borrow your leather jacket so I can go mug a cop?" Clarisse snickered as Thalia chucked a can of hairspray at Clarisse. The door opened and Annabeth ducked just in time to miss being hit with the can.  
"Geez, rough party."  
"You're already ready? That why you're late?" Silena asked, rubbing bright red lipstick across her lips.  
"Yeah, it was easy, so I thought I'd come wait in here." Annabeth was dressed up in a bright purple sweater vest over a long sleeve white shirt and a knee-length black skirt. She had a thick book tucked under her arm. Thick wool socks were pulled up to her knees; they clashed horribly with the Mary Janes she was wearing. Annabeth had an even brighter purple bow tie around her neck and thick black glasses with liberal amounts of tape on the bridge of her nose.  
"Oh Annabeth, you look amazing!" Silena squealed. She walked over, pushing Annabeth into a chair and started putting her hair up into extremely high pigtails.  
"Is this really necessary?" Annabeth asked uncertainly, eyeing Silena in the mirror.  
"Of course! All nerds have their hair up in high pigtails!" Clarisse chuckled as she rooted through someone's trunk, looking for punk clothes to wear for the night.  
"Hey guys?" Willow said questionly, looking around. "How many of us are going?"  
"Twelve of us," Annabeth said at once. "Why do you ask?  
"Well, if Nico's going to be Hades, who isn't an Olympian, then we're missing someone," Willow pointed out as she pulled up fishnet stockings. Everyone else stopped what they were doing and looked at each other, silently going over who was coming and what they were dressing up as.  
"We're missing Hera," Katie announced to them. Annabeth groaned.  
"Who in their right mind would want to be her?"  
"Well we'll have to find someone or this whole thing will be pointless."  
"We've got about forty minutes before we're supposed to meet the boys."  
"Who would be willing to dress up as Hera and be ready in the next forty minutes?"  
"I got nothing."  
"Beats me."  
"Maybe one of the Hermes kids?"  
"I got it!" Willow cried, smiling widely. "Chrystal can do it!"  
"Chrystal?" Thalia asked.  
"Yeah, she's a friend of mine. She's in Cabin 9. I'm sure she'll do it."  
"That's wonderful!" Silena said as she put the finishing touches on Annabeth's hair. According to Annabeth's face, the pigtails were very tight.  
"You should go ask her," Thalia said as she started putting on black eye shadow.  
"I'm half dressed," Willow reminded her. Thalia glanced back at her.  
"Fine. Annabeth, go ask her."  
"Why me?"  
"Because you don't look like a stripper."  
"Hey!" Silena and Willow cried indignantly.  
"I wasn't talking about you two," Thalia said smoothly. "Besides, you're supposed to look like strippers." Silena huffed, crossing her arms. Willow muttered darkly under her breath. "So Annabeth, go get us a Hera!"  
"Yeah, yeah," Annabeth said with a lazy arm wave and walked out the door. Willow looked herself over in a nearby mirror, then at Katie.  
"Do I really look like a stripper?" she asked in an undertone. Katie shrugged.  
"Kinda."  
"Great."

*********/Page Break/**********

"They're late."  
"Give 'em a minute. They are girls. They're never on time."  
"So what? It's six fifteen. We're losing daylight!"  
Percy, Grover, Connor, Travis, Beckendorf, and Nico stood at the top of Half-Blood Hill beneath Thalia's Pine waiting for the girls.  
"This is ridiculous!" Travis groaned. "We'll never get there in time if they don't hurry up!"  
"Cool it, Trav, here they come now," Beckendorf said, pointing to the bottom of the hill. Seven girls walked up the hill all decked out in their costumes. From this distance, it was hard to tell who was who. From here, they could see a black puff ball, a goth, two strippers, someone covered in what looked like wheat, a nerd, and someone who looked like they were a lawyer.  
"Man, you guys look just as bad as us," the goth girl said as they drew level with the boys.  
"Wasn't that the point?" Nico asked.  
"Yep, it was," one of the strippers replied.  
"Alright," the nerd said loudly, "roll call. Zeus, the God of Little Black Rain Clouds."  
"Here," Thalia called, sitting down under her tree.  
"Hera, Goddess of Divorce."  
"Present," Chrystal replied, smoothing the wrinkles out of her snappy jacket.  
"Poseidon, the God of Really Hot Lifeguards."  
"Obviously here," Percy said with a winning smile, throwing his life saver into the air.  
"Demeter, Goddess of Pesticides."  
"Here," Katie said rather glumly. Travis gave her shoulders a light squeeze.  
"Ares, the God of Civil Disobedience."  
"Right here," Clarisse said carelessly. Connor snorted.  
"That's what you think it looks like?"  
"You wanna see what a knuckle sandwich tastes like, punk?" Clarisse demanded, raising her fist. Annabeth cut them off.  
"I'm here, Goddess of Nerds. What about Apollo, God of Homosexuals?" Connor took a step away from Clarisse. "Yeah, I'm here."  
"Not for long," Clarisse muttered.  
"I'm here too, Annabeth," Willow called over to her. "Artemis, Goddess of Lesbianism. Also to speed this up, everyone else is here. Not that I don't enjoy role call, but it does get dull." Annabeth rolled her eyes, but nodded in agreement.  
"Point taken. Does everyone have something to put candy in?" The whole crowd shouted 'yes' so they all moved down Half-Blood Hill and into the mortal world. The thirteen of them piled into the strawberry van with Annabeth behind the wheel. They drove into the city chattering happily and nervously to each other.  
When they got into the heart of New York City, parking the van a few blocks from a string of apartments on the Upper East Side.  
"If we get separated for any reason, we'll all meet up at my place at eight," Percy informed them.  
"And what if something happens to one of us?" Chrystal asked, looking over at the older campers.  
"Well first of all, nothing's going to happen, and secondly, if it does, you're rocking an awesome divorcée costume," Percy told her. Annabeth cuffed him on the back of his head.  
"Nothing is going to happen to you," Annabeth told her firmly. Chrystal nodded, not exactly reassured.  
"Alright everyone, let's go!" The thirteen demigods all poured out of the van, grabbing their bags and pillow cases they had brought along. They walked up to the nearest apartment building and trekked inside, knocking on the nearest door.  
"Trick-or-treat!" they yelled together. The door opened. The woman looked them over, looking something just short of horror.  
"Umm, aren't you all a little old for this?" she asked. Clarisse rolled her eyes.  
"Listen lady," she snapped, grabbing Chrystal. "This little girl is eleven and wanted her older siblings to come with her. Would you want us to deny an eleven year-old the pleasure of trick-or-treating?" The woman actually took a step back. Without another word, she put a couple of pieces of candy into everyone's bag. Chyrstal got a whole handful. Clarisse smirked triumphantly once the door was closed. "I'm brilliant."  
"Or stupid. Hard to tell sometimes," Connor muttered.  
"One more crack like that, Stoll, and I'm killing you."  
"You are not killing him!" Willow snapped. Connor hid his smirk from Clarisse.  
"You're too soft on him, Falls."  
"I wonder why," Travis murmured. Willow punched him in the arm.  
"I might kill you though..."  
Annabeth broke them up, sending the Stolls to the back and Willow to the front with Clarisse.  
They trekked on for several hours, collecting candy, insulting each other, stealing candy from small children (mainly the Stolls) and much pelting of the lesser candies. Example: Percy chucking Now And Laters at Thalia halfway across a street; the candy missed Thalia's face and hit smack-dab in the middle of a sedan's windshield. The pack of Demigods ran for it.  
No one really knew who they were and they never really explained either. It was fun that they knew who they were all that's all that mattered. Several of them were a little jumpy throughout the night, but none of them were more terrified until thunder rolled loudly around them and the twelve Olympians descended from the clouds.  
"How dare you!" Zeus boomed. Chrystal actually fainted. Beckendorf caught her before she hit the ground.  
"We're just having a little fun," Clarisse retorted. Thalia nodded.  
"Besides, it's funny, and you know it!" The Olympians glanced at each other. The demigods secretly crossed their fingers, hoping the gods would see it the same way they did.  
"I told you so," Annabeth mumbled in Percy's ear.  
"Shut up, Wise Girl!"  
"I'll kick you, Seaweed Brain."  
"Shut it!" Nico hissed.  
The gods looked their children over.  
"Personally, I really like Percy's outfit," Poseidon announced, walking over and putting his arm around Percy's shoulders. "This is awesome! He's totally the God of Really, Really Hot Lifeguards." Percy beamed.  
"Nailed it."  
"And Annabeth is a successful Goddess of Nerds..." Athena admitted. Annabeth smiled to herself.  
Soon enough, all of the Gods were going around, complimenting whoever had become the modern version of them. Hermes was especially pleased with Travis' portrayal of him as a drug dealer. Ares liked Clarisse's costume as well; though he stated she should have been carrying more weapons.  
It was the most interesting thing on the world. The gods were actually pleased (for the most part) with what the group of demigods had done for Halloween. Before anyone could push their luck, they bowed to the gods and bolted with their sacks of candy, running several blocks back to the van.  
"That was so close," Grover groaned, pulling a tin can from his bag, munching on it.  
"Dude, you seriously brought those with you?" Percy asked. Grover nodded. Annabeth rolled her eyes.  
"Boys..." she grumbled. Everyone climbed the stairs and into Percy's apartment to trade candy and relax for the night.  
All and all, it was a very amusing Halloween. Connor and Travis stole quite a bit of candy from everyone without them noticing. Beckendorf got Silena to kiss him after giving her a homemade popcorn ball. The greatest achievement of the night though, was the fact that approximately seventy-five percent of Percy's candy was blue.  
Though what happened later is another story for another time.


	4. Apollo, the God of Homosexuals

**Author's Note: Sorry this chapter took so long, but school got the better half of me. **

** Thank you to: guardianofdragonlore, Michelle daughter of Hermes, teamleo4, percabeth-pothena, Neptune's daughter, Lordvader59, SetFireToTheRainbow, Zammie-Percabeth-Slythindork, StellaHunterOfArtemis, and AncientTide for reviewing! **

** Disclaimer: Uncle Rick owns Percy Jackson. **

Sometimes, Apollo really, really hated mortals. Other times, he really, really, really hated Demigods. This was one of those times. It was bad enough that they thought he would be the Gay God, but it was even worse than that stupid son of Hermes had dressed up as him for Halloween, as Apollo, the God of Homosexuals. How dare him! Apollo was the almighty god of the sun, poetry, archery, medicine, music, not homosexuals! Before Dionysus had told them all what their favorite children had said about them, (not that they or any of their other children needed to know that), Apollo was only a little laughed at, mostly because of the time he sang "Peacock" in front of Hera and she dropped an enchanted cow on him; but now every minor and major god and goddess made fun of him. Mainly it was Ares and Hermes, but everyone else would throw little comments at him. It was horrible.

They were going to pay. Apollo was sure of that much, and he knew exactly how he would make them suffer, all thirteen of them. Oh they were going to be sorry, so very sorry.

**********/Page Break/*********

Connor and Travis Stoll were in the midst of yet another prank. They were quite proud of their own ingenious ways. They had acquired a rather large mechanical spider from the reject bin in Hephaestus' cabin next store. The spider wasn't perfect, but it was perfect enough for their needs. It was originally bronze, cold, and robotic looking, but when the Stolls were done with it the spider looked extremely realistic, much to their pleasure. It was now black with fur all over the body and the legs were now very hairy.

Lights were scheduled to go out at ten-thirty, so they had approximately twenty minutes before the Harpies would be on patrol. Connor and Travis crept through the darkness towards Cabin Six. The lights were still on; silhouettes could be seen moving behind the closed curtains. This was it. Connor threw Travis the remote. Travis gave his younger brother the thumbs up and slunk into the shadows underneath one of the windows. Connor set the fake spider down on the doormat, knocked twice on the door, and then bolted into the shadows, waiting for the madness to begin.

A girl with short blonde hair opened the door and looked around.

"Hello? Anyone here?" she called. Travis activated the spider, making it crawl through her legs and into the cabin. The girl didn't notice and shut the door. Travis risked peeking through the window to see where he was leading his spider. Connor did too so he could see it all go down.

It took no longer than a minute for someone to see the spider, scream, and cause complete chaos. The four or five girls in the cabin started shrieking at the top of their lungs, jumping onto bunks and chairs. One even hopped onto a desk with a computer. Annabeth was one of the girls screaming, but she was at least trying to do something about the insect. Knife in hand, she threw it at the spider, only missing because Travis navigated it out of harm's way at the last second. Malcolm, the only guy who stayed year around in Athena Cabin, tried trapping it several times, but it was no good. Travis was too fast for him.

Connor was no longer watching what was happening inside because he was too busy lying on the ground laughing. No one could hear him over Cabin Six's screaming. Demeter's cabin's lights flicked back on. A boy poked his head out the window and yelled for them to shut up and go to bed. To Connor's huge misfortune, the Demeter boy saw him because of the light from their cabin flooding across the ground, or at least guessed it was Connor. He jumped up as Katie Gardner stormed out of the cabin in her pajamas looking livid.

"Stolls!" she shouted. She was just upon Connor when Travis shouted,

"Abandon ship! Every prankster for himself!" He tore off as Annabeth lunged out the window and attempted to tackle him. Somehow Travis slipped through her grip and ran back to Hermes Cabin. Connor wasn't as lucky. Katie tackled Connor to the ground, pinning him tightly against the grass.

"I got him, Annabeth!" Katie called.

"Traitor," Connor mumbled as Annabeth ran over, her eyes full of fury.

"Spawn of Tartarus," Katie shot back. She rolled off him just so Annabeth could yank him up.

"I'm going to murder you!" she snarled into his face. Before she could do more than threaten him, the wind picked up. It howled loudly, growing stronger and quicker. Katie and Annabeth's hair whipped back behind them, snapping like flags in a storm. Annabeth let Connor go, looking around. The only source of light, besides the two lit cabins, was not the moon, but a golden, cloud-like object in the sky. It was puffy and glowed faintly, a soft thumping noise coming from it. Annabeth and Katie exchanged concerned looks.

"What is that thing?" Connor wondered aloud. Before either girl could reply, the cloud shattered, gold streaks falling down from the sky. Three gold streaks were heading right for them. None of them could move fast enough to avoid getting hit. A paint-like substance splattered their fronts and soaked into their clothes, disappearing. Annabeth looked like she'd seen a ghost.

"Well...that was interesting," Connor commented absently. Neither girl spoke as they went back to their cabins and went to bed; Connor quickly followed suit. Little did any of them know that they weren't the only ones who had been hit.

**********/Page Breal/*********

The next morning, screams could be heard from the Big House all the way to the Lava Wall. People were running out of their cabins in their pajamas with weapons in hand, thinking the camp was under attack. Many looked around in confusion seeing as there weren't any monsters about. A majority of the screams were coming from the bathrooms. Chiron was on the scene within minutes.

"What is going on?" he demanded. Silena stepped out of the girls bathroom, her face a mixture of horror and amusement.

"Someone pranked a few of the girls," she said, the corners of her mouth twitching.

"What kind of a prank?"

"I'M A FREAKING DUDE!" Clarisse yelled. Chiron's eyes widen.

"Wh-what happened?" he stuttered. Willow walked out, eyes just as big as Chiron's.

"Someone turned Annabeth, Clarisse, and Katie into guys," she stated calmly. "Seriously. Not just cutting their hair, they...they're literally guys." Silena nodded, confirming what Willow had said.

"They're...males...?" Silena and Willow nodded. "Oh dear mother of Zeus," Chiron mumbled, his hand resting over his face. "Please send them and anyone else who has been...pranked to the Big House at once." They nodded again and Chiron trotted back to the large baby blue house. He was in for a rough morning.

Meanwhile, similar things were being discovered in the gods' cabins.

Travis woke when he heard the screaming, but since no one was banging on the cabin door, he ignored it. He slowly got up and climbed down the ladder to the floor to get dressed for breakfast. He was ruffling through his trunk when Connor woke up. Travis glanced at him and started to say 'good morning' when he let out this mangled gasp. Connor looked at him, confused.

"What's up with you?" he asked as he swung his legs over the edge and stood up.

"D-dude!" Travis choked out.

"What?" Connor made to pull off his shirt. He reached down for the hem of it, but it wasn't there. He looked down. His shirt hardly covered his abdomen. Had his shirt shrunk in the night? To his horror, he realized why the shirt didn't fit.

"Oh my gods!" he shouted. Everyone in the cabin turned to stare at him. "I'm a girl!" His half siblings snorted with laughter. Connor's face turned bright red. Running over to a mirror, he saw that his skin wasn't as rough, his lips were fuller, and his hair was down to his shoulders.

"What do I do?!" Connor asked Travis in a panicked-stricken voice.

"I don't know! Last time I checked dudes don't turn into chicks overnight!"

"I got that! Now what do I do?!"

"Hey, idiots, go to Chiron!" A majority of the cabin turned to see Willow in the window, looking at the Stolls. "If you were turned into a female, go to the Big House. That's where Chiron wants everyone." Connor's face went bright red as he turned to look at Willow. Unable to speak, Connor simply nodded at her. Willow walked off the porch and out of sight,

"Tough break there, Connor," Travis mumbled.

"It's bad enough that I'm suddenly a girl," he moaned; "but to top it off, Willow saw me as such."

"It could be worse," Travis said half-heartedly. Connor glared at him as he pulled several articles of clothing from his trunk and stormed towards the changing room.

"That is the biggest load of BS ever, Trav!" he shouted, slamming the door.

"Geez, he's been a girl for less than ten minutes and he's already PMSing," Melissa muttered to her siblings. Travis was not amused.

**********/Page Break/**********

Waiting at the Big House for Connor was Chiron, Annabeth, Clarisse, Katie, Beckendorf, and Grover. He marched up the steps, opened the door. His ears were filled with Clarisse's yells. He caught the tail end of one of her sentences.

"-stupid Stolls pranking again!" she declared loudly, slamming her fist onto the coffee table.

"It was not my fault," Connor stated coldly. Everyone turned, jaws dropping.

"Oh gods, if it wasn't the Stolls, who was it?" Annabeth asked the room at large. No one answered her because none of them knew who had done it.

"I cannot say how this happened, but the unfortunate thing is, I don't know how to switch you all back," Chiron said simply and sadly.

"Excuse me?!" Beckendorf asked, his voice near panic. "You're saying we're stuck like this? Forever?!" Everyone's eyes widen and the shouting match started all over again. Clarisse and Beckendorf were shouting over Katie, Annabeth, and Connor. Grover just sat in a chair gnawing on the arm of said chair. Chiron tried several times to calm them down, but he couldn't make himself louder than Clarisse.

The screaming had drawn the attention of many other campers. For instance, Percy's incredibly short attention span had been captured as he wandered up the steps and into the Big House. At the sight of the new arrival, everyone went silent. Percy blinked once, then twice.

"Have I officially lost my mind or is my best friend a girl?" Percy asked loudly. Grover bleated indignantly, finishing off the arm of the chair with one swift bite.

"It appears several campers have, err, switched genders," Chiron said quietly. By the looks of it, it took all of Percy's self-control to not burst into a fit of laughter. Annabeth glowered at him, her face contorted with anger.

"If you dare laugh Jackson, I will slice you into a thousand slimy pieces of seaweed brain!" she threatened. This made Percy smile so hard it looked like his entire face hurt.

"I'm not laughing, Annabeth," but everything about him suggested otherwise.

"Chiron, why can't you fix us?!" Annabeth snapped fiercely, her head snapping to face him. Chiron took a nervous step back.

"This magic that has been cast onto you six is very powerful," he said quietly.

"Just how powerful?" asked Katie.

"I am thinking that this was the work of a god." The six demigods turned at looked at one another. What god would put time and effort into changing their sexuality?

"Who would have done this?" Beckendorf asked aloud. Everyone was thinking. It was Connor who had an answer.

"What god do you think we offended when we dressed up for Halloween a few weeks ago?" Annabeth looked at him, confused.

"They were all good with it. They said so."

"What if they lied?" Percy interjected. "It wouldn't be the first time." Thunder rolled warningly outside. Grover shrunk away from the window.

"I think we infuriated Apollo guys by calling him the God of Homosexuals," Katie announced. Connor nodded in agreement.

"That's what I was thinking." Annabeth's eyes brighten with understanding.

"And he switched some of us so we would have to walk in the opposite gender's shoes."

"That sounds painful," both Percy and Beckendorf decided.

"I don't care what god did this. Someone is gonna fix me!" Clarisse snarled.

"Chill, Clarisse. I simply love being a chick. Didn't you?" Connor replied sardonically. Hate burned in her eyes as she looked at him.

"I'm sure if you just talk to Apollo, he'll right you," Percy pointed out. Annabeth sighed.

"Does that mean we have to go to Olympus, like this, and ask to be changed back?" Beckendorf murmured, sounding defeated.

"Sounds like it," Katie answered.

"This is all your fault, Stoll," Clarisse snapped.

"My fault? How is this my fault?"

"If you hadn't been him for Halloween, he wouldn't have changed us into chicks and dudes!" she shouted. Connor glared at her.

"You're just as much to blame!"

Their words mixed and blurred into yelling. Chiron stepped between them.

"Enough! The six of you will go to Olympus and ask to be righted by Lord Apollo. Argus will drive you into the city in the van." Percy grinned.

"Good luck, you're going to need it," he said before exiting the Big House.

The six of them exchanged looks. They could only guess how badly this trip to Mt. Olympus was going to be.

** Author's Note: Just a 'letcha know' kinda thing: I'll be traveling the states for most of October, so there may not be an update for a while (but there **_**will**_** be another chapter!) Apologies, everyone. Willow is my OC, FYI.**

** If you enjoyed this, please review!**

** ~Nix**


End file.
